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Five
stages of drunkenness
Stage 1
- SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on
every subject in the
known Universe. You know you know
everything
and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this
stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is
very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.
Stage 2
- GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you
are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you.
You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want
to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk
to
this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3
- RICH This is when you
suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for
the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money
parked
behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage,
because
of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you
win all your bets. It
doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos
you are RICH. You will also buy
drinks for everyone that
you fancy, because now you are the BEST
LOOKING person in
the world.
Stage 4
- BULLET PROOF You
are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those
with whom you
have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing
can
hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners
of
the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of
wits or money.
You have no fear of losing this battle
because you are SMART, you are
RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are
anyway!
Stage 5
- INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of
Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU.
You dance on a table to impress the people who you
fancy because the
rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to
the person who wants to
fight you. You can walk through the street
singing at the
top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you
and
because you're still SMART you know all the words.
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